Relationships are a component to the general health of an individual. Most people have built their ideals of a romantic relationship on a sort of unrealistic expectation somewhere between a fairytale and one of those family television shows where everyone always does the right thing in the end. Unfortunately, a healthy relationship requires diligence and hard work. This is fairly boring, does not happen overnight and it’s not like Cinderella fitting her foot into the perfect glass slipper to gain her prince. Accordingly, we may have unrealistic ideas about how parents or children should relate to us as well. A lot of people think they are missing out on the perfect family. This creates loneliness and isolation. It’s hard to imagine anyone actually having a perfect family since we all have difficult situations that we deal with or unresolved conflict within our families.

We would all like the perfect relationship. Some of us have learned very young that either we do not deserve a good relationship or it’s not possible to obtain one for any perceived set of reasons usually established long ago in our childhood.

A good Naturopath always asks their patient in the initial consultation not only what is going on physically, and emotionally, but what kind of relationships they have around them. Are they happy in those relationships? Do they have a good support system? Relationships are a cornerstone to health. Naturopathy looks at the whole person and we need people to support us when we are sick and well. We also need to know how to ask for help and to assist people around us when they ask us for guidance. This is not always easy.

Most people with severe stress and anxiety perceive themselves as having poor relationships. But how do you start having better relationships? It’s not an easy answer, but it’s not a very exciting one either. You have to go within. Realize what you can expect from people and what their limitations are as well as your own. Happiness is created from within. If you strive to gain happiness from others you will always be sadly disappointed. No one can create that happy relationship for you. You are the creator of your “happy relationship.” Not everyone will be the perfect mother, father, child or lover. But if you change your perceived expectation, you can build a better relationship. Most of us suffer in our relationships because our perceived idea of that individual is unrealistic to the reality of the situation.

That is not to say there are not completely destructive or dangerous relationships that are completely toxic to your well being. There is a point where everyone needs to walk away and realize that you are not going to benefit in anyway from being in a particular relationship. It is time to turn your back and walk away. Not out of anger or resentment, but the knowledge that no one will benefit from the relationship.

Many of my patients that suffer from anxiety and depression report that their relationships get better once their emotional health improves. My feeling on this is that once a patient’s brain chemistry is working in an optimal level, and they are feeling less or no anxiety, depression and mood swings then their perception of the world changes. Many people suffering from anxiety and depression view the world in a very dark manner. As their brain chemistry changes, they view the world in a more positive manner and suddenly their relationships improve. I have seen this over and over in my clinic.

Most patients suffering from anxiety and depression improve almost immediately on my protocol. Within five to seven days there is usually a noticeable difference in their emotional state. Pharmaceutical based medicine teaches that if we have a “chemical imbalance” then we need to be medicated for life to feel better. This is nonsense. Traditional Naturopathy is for people that are seeking long term solutions to their problems and want to eliminate them rather than “treat” them. The body has an inherent ability to heal itself. We are all born with it. If we are not in balance then we can develop a “dis-ease.” It may manifest in many ways. Anxiety and depression are just one way it may manifest.

Alex Strande, M.S., Ph.D., is a Traditional Naturopath and a Microbiologist. His office is in Irvine, California. He can be contacted for questions and appointments at 949-553-1882. Please visit his website at www.simplyhealingclinic.com.